What do our teens need from us?
/When I was a new mom, I second guessed everything. It’s not rocket science, it just MATTERED so much to me. The thought of getting it wrong was semi terrifying.
Because I’m a reader, I bolstered my confidence by reading every book I could find at the library about parenting, babies, child development, sleep routines, college admissions… Okay, not that far. But you get the idea. I wanted reassurance from “experts” that I was doing okay and more importantly that my babies were going to be okay.
At the time, it is exactly what I needed. A wide array of parenting tools, resources and ideas to help me figure out which end is up.
Now that I’m a more experienced mom, I appreciate having these tools and concepts to draw upon. However, I now make decisions in response to my individual child and the nuances of the situation.
I hit my parenting stride when I made a choice to believe that there is a reason why I am the mother for each of my children. I have put it to the test and found that when I really listen and see them and their needs, it becomes intuitive how to mother. There are still moments when I’ve listened, looked them in the eye and used all my mother intuition and they are still struggling. This is when I take a deep breath and remind myself that struggle is NORMAL. It’s okay to struggle. Both as a parent and as a child. It’s how we learn. This perspective helps us get through the nitty gritty of angst and struggle. How do we support our children in their struggle? What do they need from us?
First of all, they need us to relax. Children need to know that their parents are capable, calm and have the ability to respond to their (sometimes irrational) emotion with kindness and respect. An emotionally stable parent helps them to feel safe.
In my life, this is usually when pondering and prayer comes center stage. I may not know where this particular struggle is going, but I trust that God knows. And He loves my child and is eager to help me be a good mom and have the insight I need to support them.
Once I am calm, I am in a position to give my child love and acceptance. At the core of every child is a need to know they are loved no matter what. They need the security of knowing they matter and their needs matter. They need to know that even if they don’t FEEL loveable, they are precious and loved deeply.
With that security, they can begin to build their own foundation for coping with struggle and finding their way out of the mazes they create for themselves. Why is this important? Because, ultimately, we are facilitators for helping our children develop the skills and resources they need for their journey beyond our home. It’s counter intuitive, but at some point our path and our child’s path will diverge. This is NORMAL. They each have a unique mission and responsibility here on earth. They may not realize it yet, but they already have what it takes to get there!
“It is vitally important that our children know they are loved and safe at home”