Trauma Memories

“We remember trauma less in words and more with our feelings and our bodies.”

— Bessel van der Kolk

Trauma occurs when a person experiences an event or series of events that overwhelms the brain’s ability to cope. It can range from car accidents, unexpected death of a loved one, assault, witnessing violence, betrayal or any form of child abuse. The details vary but the trauma puts a person in a state of shock with adaptive responses that create rippling effects in the person’s life.

When a person experiences a trauma, the memory of the event is stored as thoughts, emotions, body feelings and spiritual impressions. Interestingly, over time, we may forget and confuse the order of events. This occurs because our brain reverts to survival mode at the moment of shock. The brain prioritizes essential activities for survival. In fact, brain imaging studies show increased activation in the survival portion of our brain and far less activity in the logical, sequencing portion during periods of stress and fear.

This means that a victim of an assault, for example, is likely to remember the way their body felt, visceral smells and sensations and the feelings of shock. They are unlikely to remember the sequence of events, shirt color of their attacker or the amount of time they waited before calling for help.

For many, this is confusing. Those that have not experienced sudden trauma cannot understand how a person could go through something so significant and forget key details. However, we can focus what the survivor does remember. A statistically insignificant portion of trauma survivors lie about their experience. They may simply be unable to report with clarity or consistency because of the state of shock their mind and body experienced during the event.

For children, this is particularly true. Children that have experienced significant abuse or trauma will often have very confused memories in part because they may not even have words what they have experienced. They also fear going back to those memories and feeling again the sensations and feelings they had at the time of trauma. Another common coping strategy for children is to block the memory of the event as an adaptive strategy. Many children find it easier to adapt and continue forward if they completely block their memories.

At unexpected times, triggering feelings or circumstances will bring partial memories to the surface. Interestingly, the most consistent and reliable memories tend to be the body memories from trauma. My personal experience involved triggers of fear, shame or panic for over 25 years before my memories began to form a cohesive whole. This cohesion was possible because of my willingness to feel the fear, shame and panic and see what was beyond that. Before leaning into the feelings to understand them, my initial response was to run at top speed in the opposite direction. As I leaned into my feelings with an open heart and an open mind and listened to my body and the things she remembered, I was able to reclaim the truth of my experience one puzzle piece at a time.

What is the point of leaning in to the memory to understand truth? I believe that seeing the whole truth and validating the experience my body and brain remembered was essential to my trauma healing. When I chose not to ignore and tolerate triggering panic I was led to true peaceful wholeness. The healing that comes from being whole within myself. This wholeness empowers me to live in truth with an open heart. Holding no fear, shame or panic. This my friends is what trauma work is all about.

Surviving a Panic Attack

The first time a person has a panic attack they may literally feel like they are dying. This is not mere drama or trying to get attention - people in the midst of panic are genuinely terrified. In part, because their thoughts, emotions and body feels about of their control.

One of the greatest resources an individual has during a panic attack is to focus on things they can control and remember key truths about panic attacks.

Truths

Truth #1: Panic attacks will cannot kill you. In fact, this is a comforting statement to tell yourself when you are in the midst of panic: “I literally cannot die from a panic attack. It feels really uncomfortable and I don’t like it, but it can’t kill me.”

Truth #2: Panic attacks generally last from 10-30 minutes. Admittedly, each minute feels much longer than normal during a panic attack. But the core truth is that they don’t last forever. No one has ever gotten “stuck” in a panic and not been able to recover. A comforting truth to remind yourself during a panic attack: “This will not last forever. These feelings will come to an end. I will survive this.”

With these two fundamental truths established, let’s empower you with a few things you can do to feel more in control during a panic attack and even diminish the panic attack.

Breathing Strategies

First, during a panic attack, your body is in full emergency mode. Generally speaking, your heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure all increase significantly during a panic attack. Your body physiologically takes cues from your responses to know if you are safe. It’s incredibly challenging to decrease your blood pressure just by thinking about it. However, it is relatively easier to decrease the rate of your breathing. Many people have a tendancy to hyperventilate or breathe shallow, rapid breaths when they panic. The first step you can take to gain some control is to focus on your breathing. I use my fingers and breathe in for a count of 5 and breathe out for a count of 5. Focus on slow and steady cycles. Breathe out loud so you can hear your breathing and the strength of your exhale could blow out a candle.

Another strategy is to simply touch each finger and count to ten over and over until you feel your body calming. This may be more effective with children who can’t quite master the controlled breathing approach.

Grounding Exercises

The other strategy I’m going to share is called grounding. This is simply reminding your mind and body that you are physically in a safe place. Through strategies you can become connected or grounded to where you are. I call this particular strategy 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

5 - Look around you and identify 5 things you can see. Say them out loud unless you are in a classroom or other place that you can’t vocalize.

4 - Look around and identify 4 things you can feel. Can you feel your feet touching the floor? Can you feel your shirt on your arm? Can you reach up and touch your ear?

3 - Look around and identify 3 things you can hear.

2 - Look around and identify 2 things you can smell. This one might be tricky. Sometimes I will smell my hair or the shirt I am wearing. You can also smell an item that is near you. If you are at home, go and smell different foods or other distinct items.

1 - Look around and identify 1 thing you can taste.

Distraction

Try not to focus on the thoughts or circumstances which created panic. Get up and move around. Find something positive to focus on. Look up encouraging quotes on pinterest, play a color by number app on your phone, text a friend, step outside, stretch you muscles or put on music that is comforting and distracting.

Reach Out to Others

Sometimes, feeling alone is a scary part of a panic attack. I encourage you to have a couple people that you can reach out to when you are feeling anxious or panicking. These are trusted people that validate your experience. When you feel your anxiety building, reach out to them via text or in person. Be honest. Tell them your anxiety is building or you are feeling panic. Ask for reassurance and encouragement. You can even share some of these techniques with them so they can remind you to use them in case you forget.

Have a Plan

Another useful strategy is to plan ahead for situations that you know may trigger panic. Both by telling yourself positive truths about the situation and by planning what you will do if you if a panic becomes triggered. In this way, you won’t be caught by surpise and you will have an exit strategy for managing feelings as they arise.

Panic attacks may be inevitable, but you are not helpless. There are many strategies to minimize the intensity and duration of your panic. Stay hopeful my friends! They never last forever.